You're The Closest To Heaven That I'll Ever Be
by KellySparrow
Summary: Jack and Kate post-island. Mild spoilers for S4.
1. You're The Closest To Heaven 1

**YOU'RE THE CLOSEST TO HEAVEN THAT I'LL EVER BE.**

AND I DON'T WANNA GO HOME RIGHT NOW.

The blazing fire was hot and it singed her skin, but she didn't care. Her arms were covered in blisters and they stung, but this was the farthest away from the fire she wanted to go. She couldn't move, couldn't leave him, but he was too heavy to drag any further. She was afraid too, afraid that she might make it even worse if she did. Afraid of what had happened, of what was going to happen. So she stayed with him, watched over him.

There was nobody around, not a living soul to be seen or heard. She'd called for help, but all she had heard in reply was the sound of her own voice mocking her. Their cell phones had no reception and there were no houses to be seen. She thought the fire would have attracted people's attention, it could probably be seen from miles away.

_Then why had nobody come? _

The darkness was almost as suffocating as the black smoke from the fire. Sweat soaked her clothes and her jacket lay somewhere behind her, torn and burned. She knew they shouldn't have been drinking, should have just stayed for one more night. But they wanted some time alone, wanted to finally find some peace and be with just the two of them and nobody else. Their lives had been so busy after the rescue, they hadn't had time to breathe, to contemplate what had happened. They hadn't been able to put things in perspective, everything had been rushed, dramatic, _too_ _much_.

She had already wished on day one that they'd stayed on the island and she knew _he_ felt the same, although they hadn't said it out loud. They had let their eyes say it for them, since the press and Oceanic were constantly around them, listening in on their conversations, asking them questions that never seemed to cease.

They had been on their way back from the hotel Oceanic had put them in. They had bought a house near the beach. They wanted to fall asleep with the sound of the waves in their ears, they had said and Oceanic had arranged it all. From the moment they were allowed to leave the hotel, they did and after yet another press conference and afterparty – as they called it – and a little too much to drink, they went home. _Home. _

Out of nowhere, a deer had jumped in front of the car and they had slipped, hitting a tree head on. She had gotten them out of the car safely, before it exploded a few minutes later. And there they were. He was lying on the ground, his face illuminated by the flames and it made her remember the island, if only for a second.

But he didn't wake up and he had a bad cut on his head that kept bleeding. It was dark under the pale light of the stars and no moon. She couldn't see it, but she knew he was still breathing when she put her ear by his mouth and her hand on his chest. She tried not to think about it, but she didn't know how much longer she would feel that chest go up and down.

The fear was overwhelming and it crashed into her with every new flicker of flames behind her. Her hands were shaking, her eyes were filled with tears that didn't stop coming. They were streaming over her hot skin, the saltiness hurting the cuts on her cheeks. The tears dropped on her hands and onto his body. She could hear him groaning, a new sound amidst the crackling fire and the nothingness of the dark forest. He was still alive, but it scared her because he still hadn't opened his eyes, hadn't moved an inch. Unexpectedly, his voice was inside of her head.

_Well… Fear's sort of an odd thing… Five seconds__…That was all I was gonna give it. _

So, she started to count, her voice was broken and hoarse, but she said it as loud as she could.

"One…two… three… four… five…"

The fear was still there, but she could control it now. It was still waiting to crash into her again, but she held her ground. Didn't let it get to her. She needed to be strong. For him. She needed to get him to wake up.

He needed her and she would not let him down.

* * *

She must have blacked out, because she woke up and found herself lying on top of him, her head and right hand moving up and down with his respiration. The fire was much smaller, the remains of the car blackened – as far as she could tell in the dark night – and damaged beyond repair. Her head felt heavy all of a sudden and pain seared through her as she pushed herself upright again. Her knees were scraped and bleeding and she only noticed now that she had a deep cut in her right arm. She couldn't remember where it came from.

She looked down at Jack and the whole situation seemed so abstract, like it wasn't happening at all, but yet it was alarmingly real. The roaring fire had died down. Now, it was gently crackling, like the fires on the island. It seemed so long ago. Kate tried to wake him up, opened his eyes but could only see the white of his eyes. She called out his name in despair, but the trees bounced it right back at her.

"Jack, please. Wake up. Wake up, come on, Jack! I need you…"

She was sobbing now, her whole body trembling. She'd lost control. Her hands pounded on his chest, hoping it would somehow resurrect him like that one time she'd seen Jack do it. But she wasn't a doctor and she wasn't doing it right, she wasn't thinking. Her hands were just acting on their own accord.

"Kate?"

She fell backwards on the asphalt and landed on her elbow, the pain sliced through her like a knife. But it was real. It was Jack. He was alive, he was awake… She smiled through her tears, her hands fluttering over his body, at last taking his face into her hands. She placed a gentle kiss on his dry lips and he tried to smile.

"I'm hurt…" he said and it scared Kate to hear how weak his voice was, how close she had to lean in to actually hear what he was saying.

"I'm hurt, Kate. I can't move… You need to find help."

"I tried, Jack. But there's nobody here. Nobody saw us, nobody's coming…" her voiced trailed off, she didn't want him to hear the hopelessness in her voice.

He was fighting to keep his eyes open and she told him not to give up, to keep looking at her. She knew there wasn't much time, but there was no way she could get help. There was nowhere to go. She'd never been as scared as she was now, but she tried not to show it to Jack.

"Kate… I need to you keep me awake. I need you to make sure we _both_ stay awake. We are not gonna die here, Kate. We've been through so much together and this is just another thing we need to get through and we _will_."

Kate's eyes were locked with his. For a moment, she forgot she was lost. Lost in his words, lost in those eyes that were drowning in hers. Lost in the man she had loved for so long.

"Jack..."

But the sleep was too overpowering, Jack's pain was getting the upper hand. He took longer to open them again every time he closed them, but the light in his eyes remained strong.

"Jack… Don't… _I love you, Jack._"

A smile was on his lips as he opened his eyes again, slowly.

"I've always loved you, Kate. From the moment we met. You remember that?"

Tears were in his eyes now and it started to rain, first just little pecks, but soon it was raining hard.

"Of course I remember. I was so scared I though I was gonna run, but…"

"But you didn't, Kate. And you're still with me now."

His voice was low and hushed and the light in his eyes flickered as he closed them again. Kate let herself fall on top of Jack's motionless body and cried. Her head was throbbing, her whole body ached and it was hard to fight off the sleep. When the rain stopped, a black cloud darkened her vision. So, this is it, she thought. This is where it ends, this is where we die.

As she gave in and closed her eyes, she felt Jack's slow heartbeat and it comforted her that at least they were together.

* * *

They were too far gone to hear the sirens or see several fire trucks and ambulances speeding around the corner. They didn't hear people yelling: _they're still alive!_ They didn't even regain consciousness when they were carried into the ambulances and driven to the hospital. They didn't realise that this was not the end.

It was just the beginning.


	2. You're The Closest To Heaven 2

**YOU'RE THE CLOSEST TO HEAVEN THAT I'LL EVER BE.**

AND I DON'T WANNA GO HOME RIGHT NOW.

_Am I dead? _

Darkness engulfed her and the sweetness of sleep lingered on. But she couldn't move, her body felt heavy and everything hurt.

_I must be alive then. Everything hurts so much. _

A noise, far away. She couldn't focus.

* * *

A distant, regular beeping and something else. If she was still alive, she had to be able to open her eyes or move her fingers or toes. She couldn't.

_Maybe I am dead. _

The beeping continued and it echoed in her head, she focused on the sound now and the mist of sleep in her head evaporated somewhat. It was not her entire body that hurt any more, she only felt pain in certain places. Places she couldn't move but only feel and it was a reassurance.

_Maybe I__ am alive._

The sound nagged on and she found herself feeling annoyed by it. She wanted it to go away, to stop jumping around in her head. Her head felt sore and it throbbed with every beep. She tried to open her eyes. They felt heavy, like when you've been asleep for a long time and you're eyelids feel like they've been glued together. Through her eyelashes she could see a white wall. Nothing else.

She couldn't keep them open for long.

* * *

_There it is again. That sound. What is it? _

She forced herself to open her eyes again, to try and keep them open a little longer. To her great surprise, they opened entirely on the first try. The light send a jolt of pain through her head and she closed them again, but opened them slower the second time, letting them adjust to the incoming light.

_Where am I? _

She was staring at the same colour white, but she was looking at a ceiling now. She tried to move, but it hurt. Her muscles felt like they were on fire and she'd only tried to move her right arm. Her ears were still filled with the same beeping noise, the same sound she'd heard earlier, the one she wanted to stop.

She closed her eyes again and in the darkness she tried to move every part of her body. Her fingers and toes first, her hands and feet after that. It hurt, but they moved. She was tired and stopped. When she opened her eyes again, another sound came closer. The sound of footsteps coming closer. She fought to keep her eyes open, wanting, desiring to know where she was, what had happened, why it hurt, why she couldn't move properly.

A loud gasp and a shriek of delight. _She's awake! _More, faster footsteps this time. She felt herself sitting up straighter, she could see people standing around her now. All dressed in the same blue outfits. They looked like doctors.

"Ms Austen?" one of them asked and she looked at her. She was blonde and heavy build.

"You're in the hospital right now. You were in a car crash. We found you and your partner on the road, unconscious. We reached you only just in time."

Kate blinked.

"What?"

Her voice was raspy and her throat felt dry. She licked her lips, but her tongue was dry too.

"We'll get you some water in a second." Kate heard someone walk away. "Are you feeling okay? You'll probably be in a lot of pain right now, but we're trying to keep that to a minimum."

"Wha-… I can't move properly," she said.

"It'll get better over the next couple of hours, don't worry. Your right arm had a nasty cut and it's broken, but we set it and it should be fine. We also took care of those burns you had on your body, but you will make a full recovery very soon, Ms Austen. Not to worry."

When the doctor was telling her this, a sudden flash of a car hitting a tree and seeing herself sitting on the abandoned road, hunched over Jack, she shuddered.

"Where's Jack?"

The blonde doctor stepped away, to Kate's annoyance, but she just opened the curtain. She hadn't noticed that a thin, white curtain was hanging next to her bed. When it opened, the beeping sped up. She realised now it was her heart.

_Jack._

Jack was lying on a hospital bed, the sheets were drawn over his upper body, but his lands lay neatly on top of them. His face was bruised and there were cuts all over, but he was breathing and she could hear the reassuring beat of his heart. Her face must have expressed fear of some sort, because the doctor squeezed her left hand.

"He's just asleep. He woke up a few hours before you did. He'll be okay, too. The cut on his head has been fixed and it will heal just fine. Other than that, he has three fractured ribs, a concussion and a whole collection of bruises. I suppose you got him out of that car, so you saved his life. And your own."

And with those words, she left.

* * *

When she woke up again, her head felt okay and she tried to move her legs and left arm. It hurt less than before. She smiled a little, reached out for her water.

"Kate…"

She dropped the water on the floor, causing a nurse to run into the room to check what had happened. She heaved a sigh of relief, cleaned it up, handed a new cup to Kate and left.

"Jack…"

He was smiling, although he flinched because of it. He looked tired and he looked like someone had beaten him up, but other than that he seemed fine.

"I'm so glad that you're all right. I woke up before you and you…"

"How long have we been…"

"A day and a night. I woke up during the night and you woke up just an hour after the sun had come up."

"We're lucky we survived."

"Because of you, Kate. You saved us. Saved _me_."

Kate smiled at him again, a single tear formed a wet circle on the white linen. She pushed herself in a more comfortable position and her muscles protested, but gave in. The burning feeling quickly went away. They lay there, talking in their room until the doctor came in to check up on them. It was the same blonde-haired woman that had been with her when she woke up. She checked her vital signs on the computer next to her bed, shone a light in her eyes and looked at the cast on her right arm and then moved to Jack.

When she pulled his sheets and hospital shirt out of the way, Kate inhaled sharply. His ribs were an angry bluish red and she could tell it hurt Jack to move only a little. He gasped when the doctor touched him. She told them it looked fine and they would be able to leave soon.

* * *

The next day, Kate was sitting in a chair next to Jack's bed. Jack couldn't get up without help, his ribs hurt too much and it was weird to see Jack wince at every move he made. It was weird to see him vulnerable, but she knew he thought the same way about her. Her broken arm wasn't hurting her, she could move it, but it limited her. She was right-handed and using her left hand took some getting used to.

They were playing a card game, there was not much to do in the white, sterile and boring hospital room. Kate had walked to the amusement room, but there wasn't much there. She rather stayed with Jack. They spend their entire day together and the closed door the noise outside was reduced to a distant rumble in the hallway. It felt peaceful, sitting with just the two of them and having things to talk about that they had never been able to talk about. Not on the island and not off the island either.

"Where do you think the press went?" Kate asked after a while of silence, cards falling on other cards the only other sound in the room.

"I think the hospital won't let them in. They're pretty strict about that sort of thing."

He smiled at her.

"Plus, I asked them to keep the reporters and camera crews out, to not let anybody in at all if they weren't family or relatives."

A rush of affection surged through her body, making her shift in her chair. She threw another card on the pile.

"I won!"

Kate smacked her last card on the rickety table and laughed. Her voice echoed through the empty room and she had Jack laughing too. She liked his laugh, liked the way it rolled out of his mouth, over his lips. She loved how his face changed and his eyes lit up. There was something about that laugh that would always give her butterflies in her stomach.

She leaned in and pressed her lips to his. They were warm and gentle and he tasted of mango, probably from the fruit basket the hospital had given them. She felt Jack's hand cup the back of her head, his finger entwining with her hair, pulling her closer to her. His tongue danced across hers and she could taste that trace that was _Jack. _He ended the kiss too quickly, left her longing for more, but he was breathing rapidly and she knew his ribs hurt. It would take some time before they healed.

Kate looked at the closed door and slipped her hand under his shirt. She touched him, but not quite and she could feel the muscles twitch underneath her fingers. She caressed his chest and watched his eyes, ready to stop when he showed any sign of pain. Her hand trailed downwards and he closed his eyes, enjoyed her touch. His body was warm against her palm and it felt so good to feel him again, to have him safe with her and alone.

* * *

"Do you think we'll ever see them again, Jack?" she asked him, later that night.

He took a long time to answer. She knew it was still hard on him to talk about it, to face the truth, to face the fact that only a few others had decided to get off the island. The rest of them hadn't wanted to leave, or were too afraid. She knew that Jack though he'd failed, that he hadn't rescued them all. But it wasn't his fault, wasn't his choice, it had been _theirs. _They had decided to stay, but no matter how many times she told him, she could see in his eyes that he thought didn't matter.

"I don't know, Kate. Sometimes… Sometimes I wish… Sometimes I wish I could. I wish I could go back and get them all off the island, but the truth is- if I went back, I'd stay."

He looked away, his eyes were wet and he took a few breaths before looking at her again. His eyes locked with hers and she nodded at him. She felt the same.

"I know, Jack. I'd stay too. I don't regret coming with you, I never once thought of letting you get on that helicopter without me. I would never have forgiven myself, Jack, if I'd let you go."

She let the air escape through her nose.

"But I wished we hadn't come back, Jack. I wish we'd stayed. But we're here now and the only thing that really matters is that I'm with you."

Before she knew it, he was kissing her and his tongue was sliding along hers, a passion and fire in it she hadn't felt before. The butterflies in her stomach had been replaced by a rapidly spreading burning feeling, so sweet and overpowering she couldn't do anything else but give into it, let it take over.

It really didn't matter where she was. As long as she was with him.


	3. You're The Closest To Heaven 3

**YOU'RE THE CLOSEST TO HEAVEN THAT I'LL EVER BE.**

AND I DON'T WANNA GO HOME RIGHT NOW.

Their bruises were now a green yellowish colour and their cuts had healed completely. Jack's ribs were still sore when he laughed too loud or made sudden movements and Kate's arm was still in the cast, but other than that they'd made a quick recovery. Too quick, Jack had told her. The doctors had explained that to them as well.

"Do you think it's got something to do with the island?" Kate asked in a hushed voice, when the nurse had just left.

His eyes shifted to the door and back at her, before he answered.

"I don't know. Maybe. I just know that they're right, Kate. We're not supposed to heal this fast. Especially not my broken ribs. I shouldn't be able to do what I can do now…"

A deep silence fell, in which they remembered the island. Kate wondered what had happened to the others, what they were doing, _how _they were doing. The thought of never seeing them again, the thought of having left them behind, was another wound that would never heal. She wondered if they could ever go back. If they would ever be given that second chance. She guessed they wouldn't. The island had been that chance.

* * *

"Your taxi will be waiting. I'd say 'see you', but I must say that I'd rather not. I wish you two the best of luck, I have a feeling you could use it."

Kate smiled and nodded, shaking Doctor Evans' hand. Jack did the same.

"Thank you," they said, before getting into the elevator that would lead them to the underground garage. The taxi that would bring them to their new home. Finally.

The drive to the house was long. Occasionally, she glanced at Jack to see him staring out of the window, just like her. Her hand settled on his, their fingers entwined without a single word. They didn't speak the whole time, they didn't know what to say. Kate didn't think there weren't any words good enough, or any words at all, to describe what she was feeling right now.

A few months ago, she had crashed on a deserted island, that after a while appeared not to be deserted at all. The things they'd been through, the complicated situations, the struggle to survive had been hard on all of them. But they had had beautiful moments, little times when she could sit down and be happy. There had been times when she'd felt happier than she had ever felt in her entire life. The day she had crashed was also the day she met Jack. And that in itself had changed her. There was no need to run, no restlessness, no police chasing her all over the world. She could sleep and wake up amongst people she'd grown to love in the way you learn to love people in a situation like that.

But still. The hope of being rescued had never fully disappeared. There had been the raft, the boat, but nothing had worked. When rescue finally came, they weren't even there to actually rescue them. They were there to kill them. To murder them all. Somehow, they had gotten away. They had not been murdered, but only six people from their plane had chosen to be rescued. The rest had stayed and they could only guess what had happened to them. She could only wish that they were all okay.

* * *

"Let's take a walk, for old time's sake," Kate asked him.

Jack had made her dinner. Proper dinner, with soup and dessert. They were eating their ice cream, enjoying the sensation it send through their bodies after so long of eating only boar, fruit and fish – and shortly after that, hospital food. The kitchen door was open and the sounds of the ocean flew into the house. The coming and going of the waves, the distant screaming of seagulls.

"Yeah… Let's do that."

When darkness fell, they made their way to the beach. The palm trees and plants around their house were only a poor replacement for the beautiful jungle on the island, but it would have to do. At least it was something. She couldn't believe that she longed for the island so much. It just hit her, sometimes. Jack took her hand in his when they arrived on the beach. It was a full moon tonight and the stars reflected in the water, it was a clear night. The warmth of the day lingered, even so near the sea.

Kate pulled Jack towards the water, pulling off her shoes and leaving them where they fell to the sand. The cold water hit her bare feet and she gasped in delight. A shiver went up and down her spine with every wave that landed on the feet. Jack had let go of her hand when he took off his shoes, but he stood next to her now, allowing the water to crash over his feet too.

It was a new experience to have Jack all to herself. To be able to stand next to him and not wonder when the next person would interrupt, whether it was because of someone falling from a tree or the Others. A warm feeling took over her as she stood there, her skin almost touching Jack's. She closed her eyes and for a moment, she was back on the island, she could hear the sounds of the camp, the rustling of the trees. She only opened her eyes again, when she felt Jack's hand on her chin. He turned her so she was facing him. His eyes dark and beautiful.

"Kate…" he started, "I am so glad that you came with me… I was so afraid that you might stay. That you would decide t-"

Kate's finger was on his lips, shushing him. She knew what he was going to say, that he was afraid she'd stay with Sawyer, that she would choose Sawyer and not him. But she didn't want to think about that, she'd left him behind and even though she regretted leaving the island, she didn't regret leaving _him. _She had made her decision once and for all. Somewhere deep inside, she knew that there actually never had been a choice. She'd known all along that Jack would the one.

She kissed him, tentatively at first. Their lips were soft and warm against each other and there was something about Jack, about his kiss that made her want it to last forever. The water ran over her feet, his hands were on her hips, the sweet breeze of the wind on her skin and the feel of his lips against hers. It was more than she could have wished for. The kiss deepened and Jack grasped her firmer against his own body, she relaxed against him. His strong arms lifted her out of the water and she felt light and a little dizzy.

A while later, she was lying on her back in the sand, Jack right next to her. There already had been a blanket waiting for her when she stepped out the water and looked for her shoes. Jack must have gotten it. It made her smile. She looked at the stars and remembered that she used to try and count them when she was a kid. She wasn't supposed to be out at night, but sometimes she'd sneak out anyway. On days when she could hear Wayne coming home drunk and she was old enough to know that her bed wasn't a good place to hide. Counting the stars is what she did, knowing that there would never be an end to it.

How different it was now to gaze at them, the little specks of light in the bluish darkness of the night sky. It comforted her to know that these were the same stars that Claire and Sun and all the others might be looking at right now. Sleep was starting to close in on her, her eyelids became heavy as the sound of the surf lulled her to sleep. A soft breeze tickled her face with strings of her own hair. She could hear Jack breathing next to her, his hand suddenly sliding over her thigh. Kate pressed into his touch, wanting to feel more of him, wanting him closer.

The slightest brush of soft, ice-cream flavoured lips on her own, a trace of hot breath on her neck and she sighed. His warm fingers crept under her T-shirt, goosebumps rising under his touch. Her muscles shook a little, not used to feeling such soft hands on her bare skin. His hand made its way to her breasts, shoving her bra out of the way and cupping them one by one. She gasped lightly as he applied pressure and it felt so good. It felt exhilarating and fresh and new as Jack pressed his lips against hers and kissed her. Her blood was rushing through her veins, flowing to her lower abdomen and waking the butterflies again. He pulled of her T-shirt and bra, the night air chilly on her damp flesh. She shivered before Jack kissed her again.

She'd never seen his eyes as dark and full of lust as she saw them now. Her hands fumbled on the buttons of his shirt, before pulling it over his head and throwing it behind them in the sand. She loved the feel his chest hair, the little curls under her touch. Her hand sought her way to his jeans, her fingers sneaking under the rim and into his boxers. She could feel him tense up and relax again as her fingers wrapped around his length for just a few seconds. He gasped against her cheek, mumbled something in her ear that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. There was no time to go slow. Kate's fingers opened his fly and pulled his jeans down, threw them in the sand. Her jeans followed his not longer after, her panties were already wet and Jack smiled as he rubbed his fingers over it, playfully.

Kate arched her back in reply and smiled at him. _tease_. He smiled back at her, before pulling her into an open mouthed kiss. She felt his weight on top of her and he was hot against her. She moaned as she felt him inside of her, filling her completely. He started a rhythm and their bodies rocked with the comings and goings of the surf. Kate's breath was now fast and irregular, a warm feeling concentrating in her lower abdomen. He felt so good inside of her, she hadn't felt like this in a very long time. She moaned against his lips and her eyes locked with his as she felt him starting to shake. His orgasm took over him and his eyes turned completely black before returning to normal. He pushed in one last time and Kate came too, his name on her lips.

They lay under the night-sky until their bodies cooled down. Kate was on the verge of sleep when Jack whispered to her _we'd better get inside. _She managed to pull on her underwear and her shirt before heading back, Jack right behind her. She dropped her clothes on the floor before climbing into their bed. She could feel Jack's body next to hers, his breath slow and deep, he would be asleep not long after her.

There had never been anybody that had made her feel like this, that had felt so complete and so right to her. There had never been anybody like Jack. There had never really been anybody else but Jack since she met him, not really. She had taken a long time to get where she was, but it had all been worth it. Jack was with her now and that was all that mattered. She didn't realise that when Jack moved closer to her, their bodies touching, he was thinking the same thing.

Now that they finally had each other, there was nothing that could separate them.


End file.
